Monday, November 29, 2010


It can be really hard to decide what to get certain people for Christmas.

Other times, it's obvious.

But it's usually either not obvious, or not affordable to do the obvious. For example, the poor girl using a bra to hold her cell phone in place looks even crazier than she would if she were ranting and raving at an invisible friend, possibly complaining about the strange contraption sticking out of her ear. But do you know how much a Bluetooth costs? Me, neither. (What is the plural of Bluetooth?) And the guy on the tricycle? Huh, he still has his streamers! Obviously, he hasn't even earned a new bike, even if his parents could afford to give him one.

So, what now?

It's around this time of year that I really miss Dave Barry's Christmas Gift Guide. One of the most memorable gift ideas Dave promoted was the bumper dumper. Do I know anyone who would appreciate this? Um, no. In fact, I'm not even sure anyone has ever taken Barry's advice on this one, but it sure is something to ponder. I mean, that it's a real website.

And then there's the educational sperm snowglobe.

Here's a gift that is both fun and educational for the youngster on your list. Basically, this is a snow globe, but when you shake it, instead of artificial snowflakes, there are artificial sperm cells swimming around....

In the middle of the globe is a model of an egg cell, which is being penetrated by one of the sperm cells, whom we will call Mr. Lucky. The manufacturer describes this as ``a great visual for you teachers trying to explain the reproductive process.'' We're sure it is! We can easily picture youngsters learning a lot from this and even discussing it with their parents.

FIRST PARENT: What did you learn in school today?
CHILD: Mr. Johnson taught us about sex.
CHILD: He shook his sperm globe.
FIRST PARENT: I'm calling the police.
(excerpt from Miami Herald, 12/06/2009)

Oh, wait! This one is still available for $19.95, just click here. Trust me.

Indeed, some of Barry's suggestions would provide the priceless gift of laughter. Well, unless the recipient is prone to hyperventilating hysterical fits of laughter of a near-fatal nature . You do need to match these gifts with the proper person. But really, who wouldn't get a chuckle out of the nose shower gel dispenser with suction cups that stick to your shower wall? Or the Psycho shower curtain, OR the talking flyswatter? Ah, doesn't that one sound fun!

Seriously, though, in these economically rough times, a lot of people don't have extra money to play around and laugh with. Gifts should at least have a purpose, like the stuff at Fun and useful!

I won't say anything more, or I might let the cat out of the bag before Christmas...

Of course, I'd have to wake him up, first. I think my secrets are safe.


Doug said...

And then when the sperm strikes the egg, the lights can go out.

TLP said...

I think the lights should be out from the first ball shake. Afterwards, you can turn them back on.

I bet you guys are all finished with your shopping. As usual.

tsduff said...

Ha ha ha - as one who truly (I kid you not) has a ridiculous fondness for snow globes, I find the sperm snow globe quite intriguing and quite unique. I would laugh and laugh if I ever got one as a gift. It might have mostly to do with "sparklies" (I just can't resist them), and since the sperm seem rather dull it might not be the greatest. But, you nabbed my interest. Excellent post hon.

Oh, word verifier: messi

Bone said...

I wonder if there's ever been a research paper done on The Under-utilization Of The Bra in the 21st Century.