You are driving me nuts, but it looks like I am stuck with you until the bitter end. This morning, when you hopped up onto the bed and started walking back and forth across my face, I noticed that there was something on your tail. So, up I got, but before I fed you, I wiped off your tail, which pissed you off, but confirmed my suspicions that you have completely let yourself go. So, off I went, downstairs to your litter box area, where I cleaned up the mess you'd just dragged your tail through. And, by the way, your "litter box area" is beginning to grow a suburb with its own area code. If you walk through the house one more time with doodoo on you, you will be thrown into the downstairs shower, at least until I've finished scrubbing myself off.
P.S. Mike got one of these Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower cleaners for Christmas. We'll let his brother know how well it works for cleaning scum off cats.
JUST KIDDING! I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY CAT, EVEN IF SHE DESERVES IT.